She wasn't on mute

A reader writes to ask why I'm not goofing on Mary Nolan. Who, me? Make fun of a foolish politician? Reader, how could you even think I'd do something like that?

Not that Nolan's recent antics aren't worthy of ridicule. But sometimes it's just too easy.

A lifelong bleeding-heart liberal (which beats the alternative these days), Nolan is a member of the governing board of Metro, the Portland area's unnecessary and wasteful extra layer of local government (with taxes galore to go with it). Last week at a council meeting, Nolan stupidly told one of her colleagues to repeat what he just said "in English." Now, she probably meant that he was using too much jargon, but unfortunately for Nolan the speaker's name is Juan Carlos Gonzalez, and he didn't take too kindly to her comment.

A couple of days later, she offered an apology, but trying to be one of the cool kids, she started it out in Spanish, which only offended the guy further.

Okay, bad enough, ha ha on Mary Nolan. She who insists on being called "they," planting one of her pastel Hokas firmly between her own perfectly correct teeth. But it got noticeably worse when somebody complained to the local media that Nolan hardly ever shows up in person for meetings any more, and when a reporter asked her why that is, Nolan said that she spends a fair amount of time with relatives in Spain.

Wow, we're descending toward Melissa Fireside levels of weirdness now. Not quite at the Chavez-DeRemer level, but close. Nolan, spending a lot of time with relatives in Spain, is telling her Latino colleague to speak English. If you're having trouble processing all this, don't look to me for help.

Her horrendous choice of words is pretty stunning. But it's not the least bit surprising that Nolan is faxing it in at Metro. At 71 years of age, she's made a career out of being a mid-level, low-salary cog in the region's Democratic Party machinery, and so in keeping with the system, she's entitled to a cozy spot at mid-five figures. Twelve years in the state House of Representatives, a stint as majority leader there, an unsuccessful run for Portland City Council, and now out to pasture on the Metro Council for her last eight years, or more. 

At last report married to a construction guy, Nolan is in a good position to keep the public money flowing, at ample volume, to the construction companies, the unions, the nonprofits, and the government bureaucrats. Metro is likely the final stop in her political career, and so maybe it's like the deal where instead of a gold watch and a retirement party, Ginny Burdick from the state Senate was put on some energy commission at a nice paycheck to blather about policy that she knew not too much about. Nolan is a cheaper legacy, getting a mere $68,000 a year to check in regularly on Zoom.

Anyway, I hope the reader will forgive me for not rolling on the floor laughing about the Nolan story. We can all munch our popcorn and watch with amusement as she twists herself into knots, but the real laugh is on us. We are paying through the nose to have an extraneous "Metro" layer of government. There's a reason why that strange idea has not been implemented at any other large city in the country.

That said, I did get a chuckle recalling this bit of election porn from a few years ago, when Nolan was running for Metro during Covid. It did not, as they say, age well: