The Weed vs. Crypto Boy

I see that Portland's West Hills weekly gazette has sent its No. 2 assassin back out to get Carrick Flynn. As you may recall, Flynn's the mystery lad who's got $7 million of crypto fortune behind him and is poised to take a congressional seat (or at least a nomination) away from the state's sleepy Democratic establishment. Today the Weed reveals that OMG, he's against the spotted owl.

Now, they're going to have a little trouble getting Generations X, Y, Z, etc. too worked up about that, because those kids weren't born yet when the whole owl thing went down. And Flynn's comments could play well in the foot-fungus-plagued Great Notion logger communities on the west end of his gerrymandered district. But they're a big turnoff with Portland West Slope and inner Salem voters, to be sure, along with every environmentalist west of Kansas City. And so leave it to the Weed to pounce. Besides, they must vindicate The Genius That Is Loretta Smith.

But if Flynn's billionaire patron, Sam Bankman-Fried, gets a win on this one, you can bet Sudden Sam will go for more. I can hear old Gatsby Wyden now, swearing his allegiance to Dogecoin, if that's what it takes to keep drawing his check. Perfectly launderable cash that wastes countless amounts of energy, with a strong Ponzi scheme smell – it's "innovation," don't you know.

Do politics get any stranger than this?


  1. "I love spotted owls they taste just like chicken." Bumper sticker seen on a few pickups in Tillamook County in the 80s.

  2. The best spotted owl humor of all time was the Stanford Band's tribute to the spotted owl at halftime of a football game against the Ducks in Autzen Stadium. They almost did not get out of there alive. It was hysterical.


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