Top 10 New Portland Police Car Features

I see the Portland police have redesigned their patrol cars. Now if only they had some officers to drive them.

In any event, here now are the –

Top 10 New Portland Police Car Features

10.  In-dash Truth Social

9.  BIPOC motorist detector

8.  State-of-the-art excuse generator

7.  HardestyCam™

6.  Under-seat plant gun dispenser

5.  Console Starbucks scone warmer

4.  AI union grievance composition tool (beta)

3.  Pension-ometer

2.  Seven-day steroid organizer

and the No. 1 New Portland Police Car Feature:

1.  Body cam jammer


  1. Zey are vaiting for der proper univorm insignia. You kno, mit der skulls und zunderboltz.

  2. Who said humor was dead?

    1. We don't need no f*ckin' drivers.....Elon Autonomous will be at the wheel.


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