The cheap stuff


With super-high-end booze on Oregonians' minds these days due to the Bourbongate scandal, there hasn't been any attention paid to the other end of the spectrum: the cheaper stuff. While the miscreants at the liquor board are getting their comeuppance for hoarding the four-figure fifths, maybe it's time to give a shout out to the intoxicants on the bottom shelf.

When I was a high school student and scoring booze on the sneak, cheap was the only way to go. I needed to save some of my pocket money for L&M cigs, after all. I remember a product called Tango, which was vodka and Tang, pre-mixed together in its own hideous bottle. That was our luxury item, probably something like a dollar a pint. When money was tighter, there were the cheap wines, some of which could be scored for 52 cents. There was an apple wine by Boone's Farm, something called Bali Hai, MD/20-20 (a.k.a. "Mad Dog"), Thunderbird, and Ripple (including a "pagan pink" flavor). I tried them all, but stayed away from Night Train. That one was "for the real alkies." 

I remember that Gallo had a wine that actually claimed to be peppermint. It was called Twister. My first incident of over-indulging was on that stuff. It was a miserable experience that I'll never forget.

When I got to college, I moved up in class. In the wine department, I remember swilling a fair amount of Mateus, a cheap rosé from Portugal. I relived those days on my old blog, here, here, and here. It wasn't great, but it was a damn sight better than Twister, that's for sure.

Fifty years on and then some, my intake is way down, and I'm lucky enough to be able to leave that low level of hooch behind. But now and then, I find something not too expensive that's actually quite good. The most common examples are wine, but the hard stuff has some gems in the bargain basement, too.

In particular, let's talk gin. Now, I've been known to savor the herbal delights of Portland's own Aviation, but sometimes you want dry-as-a-bone. One time the guy behind the counter at the Lloyd District liquor store, who looked like he knew about such things, recommended Broker's Gin. It comes with a little plastic bowler hat on the cap, just like the dad in Mary Poppins. It sure is dry, relatively inexpensive, and true to the KISS rule – Keep it simple, stupid – for that no-nonsense martini you're after.

In the same department, I remember one of the older guys I worked with decades ago recommending Boord's Gin. Also on the cheap side, as I recall, and it was perfectly good.

Going back even further, I remember an old college prof of mind recoiling in horror when he saw me toting a bottle of Beefeater's. "Pour that down the drain and go buy some Gordon's," he said. "A good Catholic gin." At least, that's how I remember it. I had heard about the difference between Jameson and Bushmill's when it came to Irish whisky, but who knew there was a similar divide on gin? The troubles, they ran deep in those days.

Anyway, if gin is called for, there's no need to splurge on your guests. Give them Broker's. You can tell them it's something else. Put the savings toward the hors d'oeuvres.

Comments

  1. Oh, god, I remember Mateus! (Though it was high school in my case) We thought it was so fancy. We also were known to drink Ballantine Ale (BA) for breakfast. Amazing anyone lives to grow up.

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    1. Bally's Ale was great. They brewed it across the street from the grammar school I attended.

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    2. Wasn’t there a berry flavored Boone’s Farm wine? I seem to remember drinking that. At the least it went down easily. I somehow associate Boone’s Farm wine with hippies at the park, sitting on a big blanket, and smoking cheap weed with banana flavored rolling papers.

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    3. I believe Boone’s Farm had a strawberry version.

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    4. I drank Ballantine Ale because nobody stole it from the 'fridge! And my buddies drank Old Bohemian (Ol' Bo) which was cheaper than Coke in New York State. 69 cents for a 6-pack!

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  2. I never really got drunk on wine save for 20/20. God that stuff was horrid. And speaking of cheap stuff....anyone here remember Bohemian Beer? It was like $5 for all you and your friends could carry out of the store. I remember the saying, “When you’re low on the dough, go for the Bo.”

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    1. I remember when Bo was 99 cents for three quarts.

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    2. It looks like the East Coast had/had a beer called Old Bohemian. It was definitely not the stuff that was sold here in Oregon. Ours was more akin to drinking water. It was like they took water and added a slight beer taste to it.

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  3. When I first arrived in Portland, there was Heidelberg beer. “Everyting’s premium - except da price.”

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  4. How about Henry Endres rhubarb wine?

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    1. That sounds absolutely awful. Where can I get some? LOL!

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    2. Oak Knoll out in Hillsboro, in addition to a Niagara wine that's as sweet as Welch's grape juice, also does a raspberry wine and a marionberry wine. In the right mood, you might enjoy.

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    3. But nothing beats Vietnamese snake wine. I am not making this up. I was outbid for a bottle once at a silent auction. https://localvietnam.com/blog/vietnamese-snake-wine/

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  5. A couple decades ago I began to appreciate wine. I didn't have much disposable income, but I had an older friend with a great wine collection who was passionate about what he called "slurpers". This was any very good (daily drinker) wine that could be had for less than $6 per bottle (nowadays it would be $10). He had a network of friends who were always on the lookout for slurpers by the case at wholesale to be shared amongst friends. He's gone now (too many cigars and slurpers) but I try to carry on that tradition.

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  6. As a young man I never liked wine and I thought the hard stuff tasted awful. However, Blitz was buck and a quarter for a six pack. Good memories.

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  7. Whenever I hear the name of that indie rock band Belle & Sebastian, I think of a cheap, grocery store wine that used Dom DeLuise as a spokesperson.

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  8. Annie Greensprings and Blue Nun?

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    1. My dad also liked a white wine called Schwarze Katz (black cat), which may have been connected to Blue Nun in some way. I must confess, I missed out on Annie Greensprings. I think the rap on that one was that it was for girls.

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  9. To quote the comic artist Evan Dorkin and his most famous creations Milk & Cheese ("Dairy Products Gone BAD"), "Give us gin! It makes a man MEAN!"

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  10. Jersey boy here. Ballantine XXX Ale was a local staple growing up. It had a nice crisp bite that put it head and shoulders above other similarly priced "lawn mower beers". I can still find it when I go back to visit, but it doesn't taste the same and they no longer put the rebus puzzles on the bottle caps. Ballantine was sold to Falstaff in the mid-1980s and then resold to Pabst Brewing which in turn contracts with megabeer conglomerate MillerCoors to actually brew it.

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  11. I put way a fair amount of Mateus in my younger years. Attractively-shaped bottle.

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