Yesterday's New York Times print story on the Portland Thorns' victory in the NWSL championship game included quite the "womp womp" photo of the team's wretched owner:

If I had any talent as a musical composer, I would write an opera, Little Lord Paulson. Here's what I'd have in the libretto:

Scene 1: Evil Daddy, busy looting the country, bemoans his worthless son. Sonny has an idea to move to a distant land and buy a baseball team. Daddy gives him money to get rid of him.

Scene 2: Sonny arrives at a new city, and notices that the locals like soccer. He also notices that the local politicians are arrogant and not too bright. Sonny hoodwinks them out of control of the public stadium, which is built over a frighteningly aging sewer line.

Scene 3: Sonny kills the baseball team, and announces his new soccer empire, in cahoots with the sports league, run out of a used car lot....

Scene 15: Sonny's staff is busted for being abusive and predatory toward women players. Sonny circles the wagons and refuses to acknowledge the gravity of the situation.

Scene 16: After a scathing report on Sonny's wrongdoings is released, he resigns from running the teams but still owns them. Meanwhile, the women go on to win the league championship....

You get the picture. With the right music, it could be quite a show. And the final scene has not yet been written. Somebody find me a songwriter! The Grammy, the Tony are there for the taking. Maybe even an Oscar for the movie version.


  1. The contrast between the product on the field, all positive energy and professional excellence, and the ownership,which could not be more cynical and predatory, is indeed stark. Prince Merritt will move on to a lower-profile grift, if he knows what's good for him.


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