Learn how to speak Portlandian

Here are some common conversational phrases to get you started.

  • English: "You're not allowed to live in a tent on the sidewalks."
  • Portlandian: "Criminalizing homelessness!"
  • English: "You're allowed to live in a tent, but only in designated areas."
  • Portlandian: "Concentration camps!" (Alternate: "Internment camps!")
Master the language and maybe you can write for an alt-weekly. Microdose optional.


  1. So what's Portlandian for "we exceeded last year's murder rate and still have a month left!!!"

  2. How about -


    1. Doh! Try that again-

      English: “There seems to be much damage, and numerous public buildings had to be barricaded off for protection.”

      Portlandian: “The protestors were peaceful, but emotion filled.”

  3. English: You morons marched to defund the police, voted to legalize hard drugs, and elected a progressive DA…what the F did you think would happen? Portlandian: Stay true blue and vote for Tina Kotek! She will build the meth stabilization centers we need.

  4. You say 'Concentration Camp' like it's a bad thing. Remember how much fun Hogan and his gang had? "I know nuthink!" The really funny thing about Hogans Heroes was the number of Jewish actors who played the Nazi Officers. The good old days when people could take a joke.

  5. The father of the guy who played Col. Klink was a famous conductor of classical orchestras. He probably disowned his son.


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