Where Santa is on meth

It's so pitiful. The mayor of Portland, Dud Wheeler, made a little show yesterday about how you should go downtown to do your holiday shopping.

"Chief Lovell has actually deployed foot patrols in certain areas of the city that are high traffic areas where people are most likely to be when they're doing their holiday shopping," Wheeler said.

Look at that word "actually." Like it's something remarkable. The norm now is lawlessness. Filth and danger are the default state. The cops are unofficially on strike. The reality is, if somebody grabs your phone, your purse, or your car, they aren't going lift a finger to help you.

And right on cue, shortly after Wheeler's speech, some crazy lit the toilet paper on fire in the downtown Target in the Galleria. That was the end of that shopping day.

Sure, come on downtown. You will have an unforgettable experience.