Welcome back to the '80s

I was taken aback to open a parcel this morning and find this. Really?


  1. Oh no Jack, the dreaded styrofoam peanuts. You realize now that like some ancient evil talisman you must now send them to someone else. If the refuse haulers in North Portland find them they will leave them all over your lawn, along with a note instructing you never to dare attempt to desecrate the waste stream again. If your try to take them to one of the "advertised' recyclers be prepared to pay more per gram than "Peruvian marching powder" to have them take them off your hands. And moreover the recyclers are only open from 1 pm to 3 pm every other Thursday, and by appointment only. My advice, wrap them up with something totally hideous and malodorous, perhaps the fruitcake that will have begun to grow mold in the back of your refrigerator where it is lost after Christmas only to be found again in mid-or late January. Seal the styrofoam in two layers of plastic bags along with the fruitcake, using multiple layers of fiber strapping tape so that it is like a little body bag that nobody will want to open. Thereafter put it in your garbage can stealthily, in the early morning hours on the morning of the garbage pick-up using a shovel to turn over the existing garbage so your "special parcel" is not on top. This isn't foolproof, but I did it once and they haven't caught up with me yet. Good luck!

  2. So I gather these are not the biodegradable peanuts made from corn starch or pea straw.


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