Every mother's child is gonna spy

Well, here we are, Election Eve. Would you say there's been a bit of a build-up to this point? It's like ramping up to Christmas, only Black Friday was four years ago.

Today reminds me of December 23. For those who celebrate Christmas, it's a day of preparations and anticipation. The gifts won't be opened until tomorrow night or the morning after that. All the people who have already voted are the friends and relatives who have sent the presents that are now under the tree. If you've voted, then you've finished all your shopping and wrapped all your gifts.

But there are some differences. 

The biggest one, of course, is that we don't know who's coming down the chimney. It might be Saint Nicholas, or it might be Charles Manson. And if it is Saint Nick, Manson is going to drop down behind him, into the parlor, and fight everyone for the sack of toys. A bloody fight, probably, that may drag on for a month or so. Even if we get what we asked Santa for, we won't be able to enjoy it for a while. And there'll be stains on it.

The news about the election is like Christmas music. We're secretly tired of it, and can't wait to put it away for this year. But they won't turn it off on Wednesday. On and on it will play, manically, George Michael and McCartney and Andy Williams and Mariah, for weeks.

The traffic is getting thick. So many people going to Grandma's, or are they just blocking the road trying to stop you from getting there? And watch out for the people who won't wear masks; they're like the drunks driving home from office parties.

Our country, like a Christmas tree, is drying out already. We love the twinkling lights, but we're careful to turn them off when we're not in the room, because the whole gaudy show could burst into flames at any point and burn the house down. We pour water into the stand every day, but still it could ignite.

The real December 23 is the third darkest day of the year. Be well today, friends, and be smart. And kind.

Maybe Chief Justice John Roberts will play Good King Wenceslaus.