By the numbers

Attendance at tonight's pro football game in Tampa: 15,730.

Number of passengers screened at U.S. airports Friday through Sunday: 3,052,139.

Percent chance that a major public health disaster is imminent: 100.

Happy Thanksgiving, Grandma!


  1. "Beth, could you come in here please?"
    "Right away, Dr. Fauci."
    "I just wanted to ask you what you thought of my travel warnings for Thanksgiving?"
    "I thought they were terrific, sir. You were firm and decisive and very direct."
    "Yes, but do you think they'll work?"
    "I can't imagine why not. You're one of the most respected scientists we've got. The American People love and admire you. I'm sure they'll take heed."
    "Okay, say while you're here could you check your phone for the latest number of Americans traveling."
    "Sure, I can do that.....Oh dear.."
    "What is it?"
    "It says that 50 million Americans are traveling this Thanksgiving."
    "Goddamn it. I hate it when they don't cooperate."
    "Anything else, sir?"
    "I spent decades fighting these things but can I get one goddamn bit of cooperation for one day? Hell no."
    "Uh, sir. I hate to interrupt but I wonder if I could get off early today."
    "Oh, sure. What's up?" "
    "I'm driving to Virginia to see my mother."
    "Goddamn it."


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