"I'm ready for my close-up"

Ryan.

When the Oregonian plays "Who Had the Pickle?" with politicians' expense accounts, it's usually pretty tame stuff. But their recent probe into the office budgets of the Dirty Dozen known as the Portland City Council was pretty eye-opening, if long-winded.

These officials, of whom there are about five too many thanks to the city's hideous charter, have way too much money to blow. And they're doling out pork directly to their cronies in ways that would make a Chicago alderman blush. 

Councilor Mitch Green paid nearly $84,000 to Eyes & Ears, a video production firm headed by filmmaker and fellow Democratic Socialists of America member Jordan Karr-Morse. Green’s chief of staff, Maria Sipin, likened Karr-Morse’s contractor role to that of a part-time aide who, in addition to creating video content for the councilor’s social media platforms, writes press releases, talking points and handles other communication needs in the office.

Even when they're steering some of their oversized slush funds to city agencies, the transfers bypass the normal budget process and should be outlawed.

Perhaps the most outrageous revelation was how one of my "representatives" in District 2, Dandy Dan Ryan, has been spending the taxpayers' hard-earned dough.

Ryan paid $600 for makeup artists to give him a glow up before doing a pair of local television appearances.

“My staff was worried that television lighting can be unforgiving. The expense was specifically associated with planned television appearances on city business,” Ryan said in a statement. “I don’t think it worked, and I won’t be doing that again. Acceptance.”

Wow, just wow. Busted. Besides, at a certain stage in life, the cosmetics folks don't have much to work with, as I well know.

Anyway, this exposé has got a lot of us worried. I hope Councilor Morillo isn't using city money for her lip gloss budget on the internet. That would create a deficit so deep that it could lower the city's bond rating.